Strengthened by regular mini-keyboard sessions - noun push ups, weightlifting heavy verbs, flexing my vocabulary, stretching ideas to keep them limber - my concentration stamina is building. I wrote for four whole, flat out hours today, the most yet that I've done in one day for many, many months. I plan to sub a whole lot of work tomorrow - I'm down to just 5 stories out in the wild - and start getting real about finishing off stories for three end-of-this-month deadlines. I've also begun to beat myself up over having had so much time at my disposal for the past seven weeks without much writing to show for it. Selective amnesia has set in. What on earth have I been doing with myself these past two months? Bugger that recovering from an operation crap - my more ambitious self is pretty sure I've just used not feeling well as an excuse to slack off, and she's riled about it. As she keeps reminding me, I could have completed and polished my YA novel by now, or finished countless short stories. That I'm once more nagging myself about being a lazy so and so is a sure sign that things are returning to normal.
This all probably ties in with my body feeling stronger too. When I went for my daily medwalk today, I straightened my spine, lifted my chin, and shifted from a cautious shuffle into a confident, speedy stride. I blitzed the botanical gardens track, completing two laps in near-Olympic times, and had to stop myself from doing a third turn. It felt good.
I've started to measure my energy levels against the prospect of returning to the Arvo Job. It's the thought of getting through a whole day without a single nap that worries me the most. I did have an awfully long snooze today. How do people do it? Why would they want to do it? Naps are excellent things.
I've begun to wonder when I'll be right for horse riding again. Muscle memory dogs me. The sensation of swinging up into a saddle and gathering up the reins for a ride feels real and plays over and over. My brain keeps serving up scenes of wending through bushland, sauntering down a country lane, or galloping along a stretch of lonely beach on a lively steed. Maybe I'll be good to go again in a month? Two months? I'll have to ask my doctors...
I've begun to wonder when I'll be right for horse riding again. Muscle memory dogs me. The sensation of swinging up into a saddle and gathering up the reins for a ride feels real and plays over and over. My brain keeps serving up scenes of wending through bushland, sauntering down a country lane, or galloping along a stretch of lonely beach on a lively steed. Maybe I'll be good to go again in a month? Two months? I'll have to ask my doctors...
4 comments:
Glad to hear you're feeling better and stronger.
Don't beat yourself up over lack of writing recently. I've just had a two week break and didn't get anywhere near as much done as I'd hoped to.
Sub more tomorrow, as you said, and then start writing as the naps allow. In no time at all you'll be back in the saddle - both writing and on horses.
Steve
Thank you, Steve.
I think part of my self inflicted unreasonableness is that this is the time of year when I would normally take my Annual July Winter Writing Break and get a whole lot of work done. I feel like it's all been napped away - and it has!
Ah well, onwards we go.
It's great that you're starting to feel better, but be careful of thinking that being at home, taking things at your own pace, is the same as being in a workplace. (I speak from experience!)
Ever since I came across your blog I've been amazed at your productivity, so I think you shouldn't criticise yourself for taking the time to get your strength up. Let's not forget that it takes energy to think and to be creative. Humans are wonderful at ignoring that fact, and our society acts as if only physical movement takes energy.
Thank you, parlance. I am a bit worried about returning to the Arvo Job, I must admit, but I'll give it a shot, take it easy with reduced hours for the first few weeks, and see how I goes.
I'm not really beating myself up as much as it might sound - it's that multiple personality thing at work again where one part of me battles with another over how we should use our limited time - on reading, writing, going for a run or cleaning the house etc. In this case, it's me the ambitious writer who has been cheated of her yearly AJWWB treat and now lucky enough to feel well enough to be outraged by the amount of time that has been "wasted" on recuperating versus me the patient who is quite pleased with how well and quickly I've mended.
Writer Gitte will just have to suck it up.
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